When we are younger it seems so normal to take sides. Letting people cut in line, or adversely, refusing to save their spot in line, so when they get back they have to go all they way to the end. Then in high school it’s all about cliques and the latest gossip. It seems like life is a revolving door of who is in the group and who is out. Then, with time, we get a little bit more mature. Our circle of friends broadens and then narrows, leaving many closer, more significant relationships. Then our more significant friends meet other people, fall in love, and our circle once again starts to grow. Two guys who have been friends for years start seeing two girls and those two girls become best friends. Everyone is happy. Double dating is a breeze. And then a horrible thing happens- someone breaks up. Gone are the fun days of dinner and drinks, here to stay are the endless nights of consoling one’s friend and the “he said/she said” scenario of doom.
Maybe he did go out with his friends until 4am every day of the week and maybe she did once stand over his (what she thought) sleeping body with a knife in one hand and a cocktail in the other, but all you really care about is keeping relationships with both these people you’ve come to love. You don’t like them because of the way they liked each other, you like them because of the way they made you feel. You know that they both kicked each others’ hearts in the ass, however, you’re not in the judging department. In fact, we make a point not to judge our friends too much. As long as they are essentially good people and not psychopaths- we would like to keep our friends because it isn’t always easy to make more.
Let’s face it- most marriages end in divorce and most people will break up. Life is very stressful. Money, career, and children are only a few things that add to a couple’s breaking point. Add some deceit in there and a little emotional unavailability and you’ve got a great formula for someone’s relationship to dissolve. As friends it is our job to be the shoulder they cry on, however, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. How many times has a couple broken up and you’ve heard yourself say, “but they seemed so happy!”
I used to think that not taking a stand for one side or the other meant that I was supporting all the things that were negative, but then I realized that nobody is perfect. I concentrate on who that person is and think about the things that they have done for me. Did they come visit me? Did they remember my birthday? Were they there for me when I needed someone to talk to? Are they trying to bring everyone into their relationship drama or do they actually need someone to talk to? There will always be drama, but is that person maintaining respect or are they airing out their former partner’s dirty laundry for everyone to see? I start to consider those two people as just that, two separate people .
Break-ups are messy. That’s why they are called break-ups and not put-togethers. After a certain age, we don’t want to make our friends go all the way to the back of the line anymore because I think we know that one day it could be us, and we don’t want to be at the end of the line either.
Maybe he did go out with his friends until 4am every day of the week and maybe she did once stand over his (what she thought) sleeping body with a knife in one hand and a cocktail in the other, but all you really care about is keeping relationships with both these people you’ve come to love. You don’t like them because of the way they liked each other, you like them because of the way they made you feel. You know that they both kicked each others’ hearts in the ass, however, you’re not in the judging department. In fact, we make a point not to judge our friends too much. As long as they are essentially good people and not psychopaths- we would like to keep our friends because it isn’t always easy to make more.
Let’s face it- most marriages end in divorce and most people will break up. Life is very stressful. Money, career, and children are only a few things that add to a couple’s breaking point. Add some deceit in there and a little emotional unavailability and you’ve got a great formula for someone’s relationship to dissolve. As friends it is our job to be the shoulder they cry on, however, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. How many times has a couple broken up and you’ve heard yourself say, “but they seemed so happy!”
I used to think that not taking a stand for one side or the other meant that I was supporting all the things that were negative, but then I realized that nobody is perfect. I concentrate on who that person is and think about the things that they have done for me. Did they come visit me? Did they remember my birthday? Were they there for me when I needed someone to talk to? Are they trying to bring everyone into their relationship drama or do they actually need someone to talk to? There will always be drama, but is that person maintaining respect or are they airing out their former partner’s dirty laundry for everyone to see? I start to consider those two people as just that, two separate people .
Break-ups are messy. That’s why they are called break-ups and not put-togethers. After a certain age, we don’t want to make our friends go all the way to the back of the line anymore because I think we know that one day it could be us, and we don’t want to be at the end of the line either.
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